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Nocturnal Ruminations

March 24, 2011

Insomnia.

It’s the middle of the night.  My mind won’t shut down.  So much to do, so little time.

The ads I placed almost a week ago have returned no results.  Will I be able to sell all my stuff?  It’s going to be a huge job just to get everything ready to sell.  And lately many are making demands on my time, wanting to share in my experiences.  I don’t begrudge that time.  Sharing is something I enjoy immensely.  But it does take away from the time I have to do the things I need to do to get ready to leave.  All the things I really don’t want to be doing.  I know full well that worry serves no purpose, but at this hour it’s hard to push it away.   Fatigue fogs the mind.

I’ve started thinning things out, packing up things I will take to the thrift store.  Doing this underscores the insanity of my life.  Many of the things I am getting rid of now I have hauled around for years and have not used.  The cost of keeping some of them has exceeded their value.  There are lessons for me here, I think.

Thought I’d watch some TV, numb my mind toward sleep, but there’s not a thing worth watching on the 100+ channels that cost far too much.  End up watching some news.   News about things that really matter very little in the big picture.  News about things that shouldn’t matter to anyone really.  Life will be so much saner with no TV at all.  I will know far less about what’s going on and it won’t make a bit of difference.

I think about the Haitians I saw on my recent visit to their country.  Tiny houses with few possessions.  Yet they are happy.  They live in community of which I can only dream.

Tomorrow (today really, as it’s far past midnight) is another day.  Back to a job I no longer want to go to, that no longer makes much sense to me, to make some money to pay for things I no longer want.  This too shall pass.

As the days pass less and less is certain.  I have less and less control over my life.  I find myself having to depend more and more on God.  And that’s a good thing.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Geri permalink
    March 24, 2011 5:10 am

    If you did not question how this was going to turn out and how much you have to do >>> how would you know if the path was not right for you
    As you know it is all in Gods hands in Gods time

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